Expression Vs. Perfection

There is a reoccurring vice for most of us over the course of our lifetimes. It is the constant and almost nagging voice in our subconscious mind that tells us we have to perfect our performance in life. Whether on our job sites, within our families, and even within the church body. When we apply this to the music and arts realm, it is what we often refer to as the performance mentality. Those of of us who have been led to and gifted to play an instrument, sing, craft and write songs of worship, or serve in the audio and visual component, often resort to our knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, to help us serve and lead God’s people in worshipping every week. In the midst of these moments of gathering together, the performance mentality begins to creep in, domineering our playing, our singing, and A/V engineering, resulting in what I call "muzzled worship.” There is a part of us that truly wants to rest and relax mentally and fixate all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength purely upon Jesus, but we often struggle to, because there are onlookers as well as liturgy that is happening at a fairly rapid pace. While the Psalmist exhorts us to “play skillfully” (Ps. 33:3), in our minds, this can often be the most prevailing thought that guides most of our times of worship if we are completely honest. Instead of aiming for excellence in all we do, we become snared by this performance mentality. This is a real danger, and one that I continue to have to remind myself of every time I am leading. The time that we spend in prayer and conversation as a team right before a service begins, often ends with the Holy Spirit reminding me to tell my own soul as well as the rest of the team, to fixate all of our being upon the Triune God, and Him alone. The practice time is over, now, we have to bring our most authentic and honest selves to the forefront and not place a facade or veil over ourselves to appear better to the congregation. If it weren’t for His still small voice leading us in those quiet moments beforehand, our times of worship would certainly be lacking His power and presence.

The people and culture of this world we live in pride themselves on performance and perfection. It has been engrained in all of us from birth, and many people in our lives, either directly or indirectly, encourage us to think this way. From judges on TV shows that encourage stellar performances, to performance reviews on the job, to even doing all the right things within the family unit, this can be such a prominent thing in our minds, that it eventually creeps into our heart and soul. Ultimately, what it ends up leading to, is a sense of feeling inadequate and inauthentic. It is very similar to what we call “living under the law.” If we don’t do all the right things, or, if we don’t do them to the best of our ability in a near-perfect way, we have failed and fallen short of the goal or the standard. When we place our central focus, identity, or value on how we perform; then our authentic and genuine self continues to be done away with, as we resort to facades, people-pleasing, and aiming for “perfection” in everything that we do. When this gets brought into the walls of the church and in many of our other gatherings, it continues to stumble us, time and time again, even in very subtle ways.

For example, how many conversations have you had on a Sunday morning where a friend of your’s comes to you and asks how you are doing. 99% of the time, our answer tends to be, “Doing alright!” or “I’m well, and you?” Many times, these answers couldn’t be further from the truth, yet we respond this way because, if we truthfully admit, we want to appear as having it all together and not having any days where we feel less than great, or imperfect. The very “Christianese” language that we often mock others for, comes right from our very own lips at times, in order to put on a show; one of having all of our life in constant order. Proverbs 29:25 tells us that the fear of man is a snare. I can say that the Holy Spirit has highlighted this truth to me so many times over the years and it has taken quite some time to get myself to admit that I care way too much about what others think about me; not so much seeking their praise or high opinion, but mostly their approval. The approval of man is ever present in our thinking, and once again, if we are honest, we often shape our lives in order to achieve the approval of others. Until our heart and soul truly begin to seek the Lord’s approval, and His alone, then we will continue to shroud our lives in inauthenticity and obscurity, never being fully known, the masterpiece that God created us to be (Eph. 2:10). I believe this is why a majority of us have the relational problems that we do, and once we are able to become comfortable with who God has made us to be, we can then begin to pour out and express, true worship to Him.

True and authentic expression from our heart and soul in times of worship is oftentimes ridiculed outright, or passively disdained by others, sometimes, even by our brothers and sisters in the church. The women in Matthew 26:6-13 as well as Luke 7:36-50 experienced a similar reception from those who observed their acts of worship. This is one of the greatest hindrances to expressing pure worship together within the congregation. When the depths of our being is brought forward, with expressed words of depression, gripping fear, anxiety, panic, or one of the multitude of darker human emotions that come welling up at times, many people do not have the stomach to handle it, the compassion to sympathize, or at least a lent ear or space to open up for others to navigate the moment they are experiencing. On the other end of the spectrum, tears and cries of gratitude, ecstatic praise, and unreserved shouts of joy are met with the critical and condemning spirit of another. I have even seen people holding back their applause of excitement for what the Lord is doing in our midst, as well as simple expressions of happiness. I have also been told that dancing is not worship. When certain peoples’ preferences of what they deem to be worship are the main focus, true expressions of heart, soul, and body in our worship times are withheld, in fear of the opinions of others. I pray that change would come and that the Lord would reveal to all of our hearts these preferences and critical areas within our own spirits that are hindering us from having true unity in our fellowship. We don’t want to hinder Him, nor the people of our church from coming just as we are to Him, without one plea.

If we can come together with a mind to fix our whole being upon the Lord in our gatherings, laying down our preferences, agenda, and opinions, and open up some time and space to be completely vulnerable and real with one another, I believe we will see true unity, a reviving within our hearts, and ecstatic times of worshipping together. May we be a church here in this town, and wherever the Lord has us in this world, to be a people who can express their heart, mind, and soul, with all their strength; unreservedly, without any hesitation or apology, letting the pursuit of perfection die.

Honesty by Bethel Music

You don’t ask for perfection
So I won’t even bother pretending
I’ve been known from the start
Holding secrets is heavy
So I’ll tell You them all
Lord I’m ready, here’s my heart opened up

By Mark Anderson

August 2023