Depression In Regression

Here we are, entering in to a new year. A lot has happened in this past year, some great things have taken place, and some very dark times have descended on the world, as well as in my own life. This soul within me has felt the depths of God’s infinite love, but in the same token, has sank into some immeasurable times of discouragement, grief, and despair. The events that led to this compounded, even rapidly at times, resulting in a darkness that seemed to cover even the most joyous moments. There are many of factors that I believe led to this: remorse over sins, unbelief, the devil and his cohorts, physical ailments, ignorance of navigating the waters of depression, not knowing myself as well as I should; the list is extensive. There is not a one size fits all when it comes to God’s children, and I am certainly no exception. But there is one thing that I consistently did wrong and that is what I would like to share, to hopefully warn and exhort others to avoid this dangerous pitfall; and that is deep introspection and morbidity.

I believe there comes a point where a Christian can cross over from self-examination into a deeply introspective state where they dissect themselves with a scalpel; pulling back every piece of themselves and in the process, over-analyzing and possibly even misunderstanding or self-imposing conditions on themselves that may not actually be there, and the enemy all-the-while is right there, spurring them on, speaking lies into their minds, causing them to belief that they are monsters. This is where the problem exacerbates, like gasoline to a fire, despair can turn into dark depression very quickly. I am an introvert by nature, it is how God has created me to be, something I used to be ashamed of and have been shamed for on multiple occasions even after being saved. Until I recently read D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ commentary on introverts, I didn’t fully realize the issue I was having. He states in his book Spiritual Depression, that introverts are more prone to spiritual depression than extroverts. This is not to say that extroverts do not deal with spiritual depression, but the introvert may experience this on a different sphere and deeper level. In the natural realm, he explains “there is the type of person who tends to be always analyzing himself, analyzing everything he does, and worrying about the possible effects of his actions, always harking back, always full of vain regrets.” This indeed has been true in my life for many years and has caused more grief, stress, worry, fear of man, and utter terror of God than I care to recount. He then goes on to speak of the spiritual realm, “Now all that is transferred into the spiritual realm and into their spiritual life. In other words, it is obvious that the danger for such people is to become morbid.” In the spiritual realm, the dangers become much more heightened and can cause a great deal of emotional trauma. There is so much to be explored and discussed in this matter seeing how this is just the tip of the iceberg. So how do we guard ourselves from falling into this trap of deep introspection and morbidity? Allow the Great Physician to help and allow the Creator to show us how He sees us through the lens of His eyes.

In Psalm 139:13-14, David says, “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” One of the key works of art that He has made is you. There is no other human being on the planet like you, and He has carefully wrought you in the lowest parts of the earth. (v.15) Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) says that we are His masterpiece. So remember, even if people mock who you are, how you were created, know that they are mocking the infinite Creator who has breathed and sculpted you into being. Our identity is in Christ and in the unique person he has made us to be, so we need to rest in that. And when those things that bring us down into the depths of depression come back in the form of people, thoughts, circumstances, the enemy, or our own selves, we need to take our gaze off of them all, and cast it to the One who knows us, sees us, loves us, and can brighten the darkest of circumstances.

There has been one place of solace that the Lord has continually led me to these last couple of years. Psalm 42. If I could give this Psalm a color, it would be blues of every spectrum due to the imagery of water and the somber tone throughout. We have often heard the phrase “singing the blues,” and this is exactly what this contemplation psalm by the sons of Korah is all about, but with a resolved end. I would quickly like to highlight the fact that this Psalm was written by sons of Korah. From a songwriting point of view that means that co-writing was taking place when this psalm was penned down. I can almost guarantee that these guys had one thing in common in this contemplation of their’s: depression. Hence the question to their souls in verse five, “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?” But, there is a shift in the rest of this verse, “Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.” They knew that their help came from gazing upon their Maker, their Heavenly Father, looking upon His bright countenance. Through the rest of this psalm, we read of the acknowledgment of the Lord working in and through their lives despite their distressed spirits, and lastly, the question that was asked in verse five is once again spoken, but with the acknowledgment that God is the help of their countenance. The way out of depression is not always easy, nor resolved overnight, but it always starts with the dark regressing from the light of the countenance of our great and mighty Creator; the One who spoke the first words recorded in Scripture, “Let there be light.” Corrie Ten Boom’s words offer a wonderful reflection to this whole topic, “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God, you will be at rest.”

Hope In God (Psalm 42) by Mark Anderson

My soul how you long oh you pant for the Lord

As a deer thirsts for the brook from the shore

My tears how they taunt oh they mock all the more

Always saying, “Where is your God?”

My soul how you cry oh you look for the Lord

As a bride longs for their groom they adore

When shall He bring me to heaven’s great shore

To my place, my home with God

By Mark Anderson

January 2023